Two weekends ago you'll have seen that this gorgeous little pup, Bear, came to live with us in what we really believed would be his forever home.
Though it makes me ridiculously sad - and I have sobbed again and again about it - we are having to return him to his foster family today. Through no fault of his own this little one just tipped me over the edge into complete not-being-able-to-cope-with-life despair. Sounds crazy doesn't it. And I still can't quite explain it; but he is a lot of responsibility (albeit a very sweet, bouncy one) and everything in the last fortnight just became too much.
Currently on the agenda is wedding planning, a house still under renovation, the busiest month in Stacie Swift Illustration history and some family stuff fighting for space in my brain, too.
Add to that two cats who were particularly unimpressed with the new arrival (Birdie, being of a nervous disposition, has made herself ill with stress since Bear arrived), the fact I am at home trying to juggle all of this alone from 7am-7pm each day and not able to leave the dog alone to go to the studio, the sleepless nights where Jon has to get out of bed to take Mr Bear out to the garden to relieve himself ...and the chaos during the day when Bear doesn't quite remember that wees are not for the living room floor ...and I reached breaking point.
I feel like I need to explain all this so people don't think I am some evil puppy hating witch and to explain why I have not been functioning on full these last few days (I am trying to catch up on everything now). Also I really want to justify to myself that letting Bear go and live with people who have the time to dedicate to him fully is the best option. Me sitting in floods of tears planning on running away is no good for anyone - and really doesn't make me a very nice person to live with!
The positive in this is I have realised a life spent constantly trying to juggle too much, spending a lot of the time alone and all day every day working or thinking about work .... as well as surviving on a combination of diet coke and chocolate.... is not a good idea. I need to take care of myself more before adding any extra pressures (puppy shaped or otherwise) to my life to avoid another grey cloud coming in and rendering me useless.
So goodbye to our little Bear, fingers crossed his new Mummy and Daddy give him lots of treats and squeaky tennis balls, too. I am going to top up on the multivitamins and plan some changes around here.
P.s. Sorry for the overly long, personal post. I hope I haven't scared you off!